you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
