he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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