But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
