just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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