I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
