Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
