It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
