I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
