Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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