Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
