yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
