My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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