Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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