The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
