She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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