I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
