So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
