I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He uses pillows to masturbate.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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