One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize