your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Moan for me like Helen Keller
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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