matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Houston, we have a blender
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
