Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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