He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I think my vagina is haunted
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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