I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
