I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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