I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
