it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
