She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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