i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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