I wanna bring you to show and tell
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize