dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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