the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
