Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
