dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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