You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
