How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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