So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
