Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
