Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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