I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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