Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
