and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
