Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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