someone get that fucking seahorse.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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