omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
so let's talk penis.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
