i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
