He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
