Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
