in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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