Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
