I hope mine doesn't look like that
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
