dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize