I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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