Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
