Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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