I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
