Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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