She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize