I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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