So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
God I need to hump something, right now.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
