He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
