He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
