Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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