you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My penis needs a shock collar
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
