im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
