Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize
