whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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