We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
