I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
