you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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