I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
