That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
