Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
