when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
