It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
