3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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