He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
