Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
