those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
