...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize