I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize