A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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