I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
