Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
