She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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