youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
third nipple confirmed
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
