The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
3 2 1 whiskey
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
