sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
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