We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
