Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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