How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Randomize
