Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
