even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
