I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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