k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
