You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We left an ass print on the piano.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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