I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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