I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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