the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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