Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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