While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
