I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
