Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
