Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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