You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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