i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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