Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
