Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
