in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
