If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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