Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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