I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
