According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize