I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
