I wish my penis had an off switch
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
