So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
handjob tips. give me some.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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