Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
