He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
