get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
