he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
