this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
