i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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