can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You ruined the universe
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
