God, you're like boner-b-gone
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
